Bullying is one of the most disrespectful and dishonorable behaviors a person can display toward another.   Seeking to manipulate, force, coerce or control another person is rude and disrespectful as it reveals contempt and anger that the bully harbors in his/her heart.  

In High School I was a very small boy.  As a freshman I was a true “98 lb. weakling”.   My school’s junior and senior classes were made up of a troupe of Neanderthal man-boys who were big in stature yet woefully lacking in maturity, self restraint and respect for others.  They compensated for their inability to construct complete sentences and manipulate rudimentary mathematics formulas by picking on smaller kids.  Threats and hazing were the tool they employed to strike fear in the hearts of those who were far smaller.  Never would these tough guys pick on someone their own size, there was far too much risk that the person might be able to fight back.   It was a pathetic display of cowardice, emotional inadequacy and attempts to compensate for the weaknesses that plagued these people.

Fast forward to the workplace.  Some bosses treat their workers with respect and dignity, and we all want to work for people like that.  However, some bosses and managers have inadequate skills when attempting to motivate their underlings.   And much of the problem is contained in the way the manager views his employees.  Are they “underlings” or are they valuable assets, invaluable hearts, priceless souls, and highly esteemed individuals?  It is one thing to boss people around and quite another to ask them to contibute, convince them to perform, give them incentive to produce, and invite them to join in a cause.  Bullies try to force others to behave in a certain way but respectful people uphold the dignity of others by asking for desired behavior.

When we hear the term “bully” most of us think of the neighborhood tough who catches us in the alley and demands our lunch money.   But bullying is not limited to physical intimidation.  Anytime a person uses force, manipulation, control or intimidation to get their way, bullying is taking place.   Not only were some of the boys in my high school adept at physical bullying, girls often got in on the act but in a different way.   Generally, women possess superior verbal skills when compared to men.  Because men are generally superior to women in physical stature, men may bully others physically, so women who are intent on bullying often choose to do it verbally.   Verbal bullying does not carry with it the social stigma that accompanies physical bullying.   So women often get by with it and their bullying isn’t even recognized.  Beyond physical and verbal bullying our culture is replete with examples of emotional, positional, religious, economic and political intimidation and manipulation.   Anytime an adult tries to coerce, manipulate, intimidate, threaten, or force another person to do something, bullying is generally the result.  

Bullying can be seen in parenting as parents attempt to force their children to bow their will.  Show me a person who was hit, browbeat, manipulated, intimidated and threatened and I will show you an adult who is angry, confused, addicted, rebellious, violent or is a shell of a person.   However, show me a person who was treated with dignity, respect, honor, patience, grace and mercy and I will show you an adult who is strong, healthy, courageous and well adjusted.  There are exceptions, of course,

Another insidious form of bullying is government and bureaucracy.   Growing up I periodically heard the term “public servant” in reference to government employees.  This term suggested that these people were in positions to serve fellow citizens.   But in recent decades public servants have become our slave masters.  Don’t dare expect “service” at the DMV when trying to renew your automobile registration.   Try calling the IRS and getting “service”.   Don’t dare expect a building inspector to “serve” you with anything but contempt, arrogance and condescending remarks.  Don’t even think your child’s educators will “serve” you if you ask them to stop teaching your child the religion of Global Warming, the religion of abortion or the religion of federal government control.   You will be laughed at if you want your government to “serve” you by providing only the most modest amount of national security that is necessary, only a modest amount of law enforcement to keep predators of society at bay, or the most meager of taxation to pay for these few “services”.  Government is not our servant, we are quickly becoming their slaves as politicians seek to control more and more of our lives.   Bullying is the term that comes to mind.  Government either serves us or bullies us.

I don’t know about you but when it comes to relationships I want to be in community with people who are respectful, healthy, gracious, merciful, kind, strong, courageous and wise.   I want to have friendships with people who respect me and offer their friendship and companionship from a position of strength and health, not fear and duty.   A friendship with a bully is somewhat like trying to convince a skunk to be a good house pet. 

If you have to bully people to get “respect” you won’t get respect, all you will do is instill fear in people.  People won’t like you, they may tolerate you if you have something they want. 

If you feel the need to control others, manipulate, force, intimidate, or disrespect them you might want to consider that you may be bullying people around you.

Filed under: Building Rugged Gentlemen, Real Men Don't Talk Trash by tim